JOKES (about woman)

[Sagat]

to all ladies outside there!

it's only a JOKES
no harm kay........ PEACE 

[Sagat]

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl..
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton

[captain11]

waitaminute.... thats a rip off of a guys version... his girlfriend is on the cover of playboy (makes more sense), and his wife is on the back of the milk carton..hawa...

[Sagat]

WOMEN'S REVENGE
 
'Cash, check or charge?'
I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote? ' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

[Sagat]

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a lizard or cockroach.

[Sagat]

WIFE vs HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically,
'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

[Sagat]

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied,
'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...'
The husband then turned to his wife and asked,
'What?'

[Sagat]

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day,
'I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time.'
The wife responded,
'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

[Sagat]

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said,
'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee'
The husband said,
'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies,
'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies,
'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages,
that it indeed says.
'HEBREWS'

[Sagat]

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00am for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00am.'
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00am and he had missed his flight
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said,
'It is 5:00am. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests

[Sagat]

God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

[chilicandy]

  though i have read through a few of those posted above...
nevertheless, it's still a good read. How true can those be ... 

[captain11]

How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:


1. a friend
    2 a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring Alcohol

[captain11]

Woman has Man in it;

Mrs. has Mr . in it;

Female has Male in it;

She has He in it;

Madam has Adam in it;

 



Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...

I never looked at it this way before:



Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?


MENtal illness

MENstrual cramps

MENtal breakdown

MENopause

GUY necologist

AND ..

When we have REAL trouble, it's a HISterectomy.

[phenom]

though i have read through a few of those posted above...
nevertheless, it's still a good read. How true can those be ... 

chili, you should know best larr... hahahahahaa